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it's Tuesday of course I'm all unsettled - today was supposed to be ununsettling and instead it turned out to be just as unsettling as yesterday. I had decided, if he ever tried to talk to me again, I was going to respond with a certain cold, distant, sarcastic comment. The comment was picked out and ready for use. Today, finally, my chance arrived, but instead I partook in the conversation. It's unsettling for a few reasons: one, because that will probably be my only chance to be cold, distant, and sarcastic, and I blew it by being conversational; two, our conversations touch on many different topics, open many different doors, and there are so many things I want to say now; three, godfuckingdamnit, why isn't it obvious to him; four, I just want to replay the conversation over and over. Someone said - Rob Brezsny, was it you? - love isn't being stupid together, love is being smart together. For fucks sake. Moving on. I finally got the course information for the nonprofit admin course. It looks fucking awesome. It's exactly what we need. Fucking kickass. HOWEVER, it requires reading - ACADEMIC reading, blechh - and there's an assignment due TONIGHT - in one hour precisely - which I am not going to get in on time. Who cares about that though. It's exciting but unsettling. Add another thing to the calendar. And last night I was totally going to finish editing that paper that I should have finished over the weekend, but I forgot. Must do tonight so I can stop feeling like an asshole. ALSO. My radio show this week is going to be a remote broadcast from some convention or something - I don't even know what. I'm nervous and/or terrified. I've never done a remote broadcast and I'm a horrible DJ. It'll be fine and probably fun but I probably won't be able to sleep tonight thinking about it. This is the stuff of nightmares. ALSO. I wanted to go home this weekend but the shotgun wedding I have to attend is seriously screwing up my plans. HOWEVER. I got home from work today and there was a box from Sub Pop on my stoop - hooray for music. They also gave me stickers and buttons and a free EP. Hooray for Sub Pop. It didn't work though. I am still thoroughly unsettled and I'm going to go for a walk. Hot damn it's a beautiful day today. That didn't work either. I'm still unsettled.
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