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- Today, managed to make it to campus around noon. And I got a cup of (terrible) coffee, sat there, and everything was insurmountable. I've lived enough to know that phases are temporary and everything can - and does - change in a second and amazing things are often uncomfortable at first - and the funniest stupidest thing is that I have it so easy right now, really very easy. How can it be insurmountable? What is my problem? It shouldn't be insurmountable at all, which makes me think I need some chemical help, you know. Fucking hell, man, it's so fucking crushing and it's crushing all over again to think that my old friend is not the person I knew and will I ever know him again? Why am I so stupid? And is it about him at all or is that just the scapegoat, the thing I can fixate on and blame everything on? I used to quote Pearl Jam lyrics here: It's funny when things change so much, it's all state of mind. Accusations of bipolarity may be flung right now, because I went to the radio station, had a super nice conversation with the DJ, and left with a smile on my face, and it changed it all around for me. The guy was so nice and supportive and it'll be okay, I'll be okay. I will be okay. Things are not insurmountable. 1. I might get a regular radio show, starting tomorrow, maybe. 2. I'm going to do some classes at the rec center, starting tonight. 3. My office this semester is on a floor full of other TAs - math TAs, it seems - and uh... this is exciting to me. 4. The one class I'm taking this semester - a seminar - I've already taken a class on it - will probably be fine and I'm actually totally kind of looking forward to it. 5. Talked to my professor - I refuse to call him a "mentor" and I can't call him my thesis adviser since I don't have any kind of committee yet - I could call him simply my adviser, because that's true - anyway I talked to him and my thesis should be on track this semester, it will be on some sort of track, whatever. What I mean is, I might be able to do it. 6. Looked at rec center class schedules and I'm going to do a core strengthening class and also yoga and possibly Pilates. I could go to the Pilates class today - I should, since we got out of class early today - but I was too hungry and still am and anyway I just made some tea. I will go to yoga at 6:15. 7. Yes, this means I am starting to train for the half marathon. Yes, I will also eventually start running again. I haven't run since like October. 8. Spring is so close.
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