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- On TBS at Christmas or Thanksgiving they have marathons, movies, whatever, they talk to you, the commercials talk to you, you can sit at home by yourself and feel like you're part of something, you're connected to the world, you're not alone. When faced with the prospect of that for the rest of my life I think maybe I should settle, maybe I should just give it up and admit that all this shit I've put myself through is for romance novel delusions and love is just alcohol and a broken condom. Because if by now - how many fucking years have I been doing this? And have I gotten any less retarded? And you're a fucking asshole, I keep reminding myself. I wish you'd do something rad for once in your life. I am selfish and I wish you'd do something rad involving me. I want you to be happy, I've told you I just want you to be happy, but I'm selfish and what I really mean is I just want you to be happy with me. I am an asshole, I am a stupid stupid asshole, and what the fuck am I doing. This phase sucks. Oh I could very easily initiate some sort of conversation, I could very easily, and perhaps it's even my turn, but why would I when you're a fucking asshole. Why? If you're an asshole, why can't I let it go? And if you're an asshole, why are you so fucking understandable, why do I always fucking understand, why am I so goddamn patient and understanding? I am a pushover. So I will not initiate any conversation with you. Which means that it's up to you to do something rad and that only happens in romance novels. At the very end of romance novels. And my life isn't a romance novel, it's a fucking comic book or something. Some idiotic metaphor like that.
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