|
|
|
- I was going to make an entry that just said this: Sad. Or I was going to make one that was like, hey, not getting better, only getting worse. But then two things happened: 1. I listened to the rap at ryan-adams.com and it makes me laugh whenever I hear it. So I listen to it frequently. So that was super. 2. I taught. Now, technically, theoretically, I hate having to teach. I am dumb, I am a nincompoop, I don't have anything to say and I don't know what I'm supposed to be teaching. However, in reality, it's like totally okay. My students are so sweet and smart and interested and we had a guest speaker today and they liked it and thanked me for arranging it and they asked lots of questions. Also we had a debate on Monday and they did really good (of course there were the few who said a lot and the many who said nothing, but hey). Um. Yeah, again today I could hardly get myself out of bed. Last night I went to dinner with a friend (this is ... interlude ... This is how freaking mopey I've been lately, I haven't even mentioned that my old friend Friend 1 or Friend 2 (because I can't remember which one she was) from Grad School Part 1 is here now. She is. ... end interlude ... and we talked about how depressed we all were in school, me and her and Friend 2 or 1 and New Girl. (She and New Girl are still with the department; Friend 2 or 1 and I are the dropout losers.) (Friend 1 or 2 is working on her dissertation. So is New Girl, for that matter. New Girl is PUBLISHED. That's an adjective.) Today I was talking to my new friend Jacquie (trying to come up with clever fake names is too dificult) (although with me you can never really know if I'm lying or double-lying = telling the truth, because remember I'm a genius, or I thought I was at some point) (what I mean is, you don't know if her name is really Jacquie or if that's a fake name, or if it's a name that's so fake it's real). And a couple weeks ago I was talking to one of my old professors about this field and getting the Ph.D. and stuff. Conclusion: and basically it turns out that EVERY SINGLE FEMALE WORKING ON A DEGREE IN THIS FIELD IS UNHAPPY AND DEPRESSED AND WONDERING WHAT IN THE WORLD THEY ARE DOING. Whether this holds for the males, I don't know, and I kind of don't think so, those bastards. Guys suck, they are stupid stupid assholes. Postscript and analysis: yeah, I don't really know what to do, I thought my moping would be a level low sadness that was workable and manageable, and it was for a while, but the last couple weeks I'm just feeling more and more crushed every day. Being back in school is one thing, leaving Seattle is one thing, having no money is one thing, but boys, that's a whole nother thing.
|