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- I was sitting on the couch watching the TV and eating Lays potato chips and the other night I saw a Ron White piece and I realize this could be taken as a watered-down rip-off of him but it's not, it's true, and just as pathetic. I was sitting on the couch watching the TV and eating Lays potato chips and I realized two things. 1. I was hungry. I wanted something more than potato chips. I went to the fridge to look for some dip to dip my chips. I found none. I considered mayonnaise. I decided instead to just stop eating the chips. 2. I was bored, very very bored. Poor poor me - there's a lake to swim in, and I have. There are strawberries and cherries and raspberries to pick and eat, and I have, except the raspberries of course, barf. There are mountains to hike, pictures to take, stories to write, people to email, crap to organize, cars to buy, exbestfriends to call, etc etc etc but wah I'm bored. I've had nothing to do for all of 30 minutes. I've been listening to Johnny Cash. I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. I sleep okay but my mind won't slow down long enough to realize I'm asleep. If it weren't so meaningless and cliche and lame I'd say I have a broken heart. Earlier in the day I was laying outside and Beatrix Kittylove decided she wanted to be underneath me. This is kind of impossible, because I am a large beast and she is but a small one. But she insisted, and by "insisted" I mean "bit". She is crazy. Well, theories vary. She might have multiple personality disorder, or she might be possessed by Lucifer. Whichever, okay, if she wants underneath me, that's what she gets. One day I was lying naked in my bed with wet hair eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I've already written about it somewhere. But my point is, I might say things and do things - my mother is cold and distant, where do you think I learned this? - I might occupy my days, I might not mention it to you if we ever talk again - I might not have cried driving away from the city that you're in - I might not even have the right words to put down on paper, but... But I miss you. I told your voicemail I would and I don't think you give two shits but here is a status report confirming my prediction. I do.
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