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- The clock says 5:47 and for some reason I'm thinking it's the middle of a summer day, 2:00, and why would this place have a clock that's off? What kind of craphouse is this? I'm at a coffee shop on Capitol Hill with my laptop. Yesterday I accidentally picked another fight with my friend the boy. I didn't mean to, exactly, but I did and I was attacking him without warrant. I apologized afterwards but he was angry and we had some silence for the rest of the day. Fighting with him is terribly upsetting to me and I don't want to do it again, ever. When things between us aren't right, nothing's right. It upsets my entire world. And that might not be good but it's the way it is. We are going to Talk sometime, next week maybe, and this makes me nervous and sad because this will be the Talk where I tell him I can't be friends with him, because I haven't gotten over him yet and I'm too jealous. Extrapolate what you will from this. I am staying with Kevin. I was gone, he was gone, I hadn't seen him in almost a week until last night when we went to dinner and had beers and then whiskey and then spent an hour trying to hook up his new DVD player. It wasn't working. The problem: a BUTTON ON THE FRONT OF THE MACHINE that needed to be pushed. No not the power button. And my grandma died. She died on Monday night. I wish I'd gotten to know her before I was 27. I wish I'd gotten to see her another time. She was so sweet and cute. She was born in Illinois and got married in Iowa and died in Colorado. And when my mom called to tell me, instead of being sad or dealing with the issue at hand, I avoided it entirely by getting annoyed with my mom. Damn she talks a lot, and speculates, and worries, and talks and talks and talks and I wanted to say, MOM, STOP, YOU'RE NOT HELPING ANYTHING. YOUR TALKING IS NOT HELPFUL, JUST STOP. But I didn't, I sat there and said, huh, hmm, huh, oh, huh, okay, okay, yeah, huh, okay, okay, okay bye.
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