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- I'm railing against bullshit and looking over some things I've written over the past year it's been a theme that's come up over and over again and I want to get all these things I've written topic:bullshit and put them together and give them to someone and say, here, fucker, fucking read this and THEN talk to me. I'm still in a mood. Here's what's going to happen: I'm going to use this bad mood as an excuse to pick a fight. And maybe I want to pick this fight because maybe I'm sick of the what's the word? homeostasis? Yes, homeostasis is the perfect word and I'm fucking sick of that. Because it's homeostasis built on bullshit. Fucking hell. Anyway. The Silversun Pickups were fucking awesome goddamnit. I needed to see him scream "thank god it's over". Is this a good thing for me or a bad thing? I don't know. The last time I was like this and listening to that song on repeat I had to go on Chinese Happy Pills to calm down. That might be different, oh it is different, that was built up over a couple months while this is more like, pop, my bubble burst. But maybe the bubble's been building up for a while too. I'm fucking tired, I fucking miss fucking Ballard, I fucking wish I had a fucking home, and yes we can blame this on PMS if we want to because I have the breast tenderness and cramps as proof. Maybe I will fucking move away from fucking Seattle sooner rather than later. Except fuck. Logic: PMS, sudden crashing of the world, past history of thinking everything was over when it wasn't at all, extreme sensitivity in all areas I'm being sensitive about right now... all of these add up to this: chill out, moron. Positives: I went for a run again last night and it was so much better than the night before. Tomorrow I'll get up early and go to the Y, if not to run on the lame treadmill than to sit in the hottub and steamroom and then go to work where I will pick no fights. The Silversun Pickups were fabulous. Any band that makes noise just for the fucking hell of it, feedback and jangles and then a rip into a song, has my vote for president. And jams! You know, there's this noise, and then it's all rhythmic noise that your whole body is listening to. Plus a pissed off lead singer, ohhhh. I love screaming sometimes. I'm okay, it's okay. IT'S OKAY.
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