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- Friday disintegrated before my eyes. Boy problems on two fronts, both hurtful - one stupider than the other and not a current issue, but hurtful and upsetting nonetheless. Our large drinking party dwindled into only a small handful of us, everyone else begging off for some stupid reason or another. Rain, bar, drugs. I saw cocaine being snorted off a mirror, just like in the movies except I was there and these were people I knew. I rode in cabs, I went to strange people's apartments (coke dealers), I rode on late-night buses (but that happens every week), I had no idea where I was but didn't really care, I ate chicken, I woke up early, I slept in, I went to acupuncture. I had needles in my chest, five of them, and I think they were in very far, farther than I thought they would be. "Get it between the muscles," they said. I am now taking Chinese herbs, eight little BB-sized pills three times a day. It is for anxiety and it makes me sad that I've been given pills for anxiety. I couldn't go to sleep last week until Thursday night when I slept ten hours. It makes me sad that I'm so upset about being not nice to someone - I'm not being mean to him, I'm just not being nice, and it upsets me so much that I punch the mattress and cry. The only good thing going on right now is in my imagination, and I haven't had time for that lately. It's Sunday night and I can either go to bed and pretend I don't have anything to do, which might be easy given the 16-soon-to-be-24 little pills I've taken today (or their placebo effect), or I can tackle some of my stress-causing issues by writing some emails and a stupid two-page statement of purpose.
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