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greed, compassion, and that same old stupid shit Money. Ugh. For the price of a cup of coffee you know. $2.62. Traveling, oh I wish I could afford that - but you can you know, it costs money to live, whether it's in Seattle or in Costa Rica. If you want to travel you just have to do it, money's no excuse. (Money is an excuse, it's just a very little excuse.) Greed. The ugliest thing in the world. : Do you know what my lowest moment was? The lowest point in my life? I was in Sydney and I got bonked in the head by an automatic door. It was the lowest point in my life. Why? Because life is so ugly and we are such pathetic sad beings. That's how I felt. I had a bump on my forehead the size of Fred Flintstone and I was thinking about how ugly humanity is, the embarrassment, the humility. Then I walked around on the sidewalks, Chinatown, hordes of people going everywhere, every which way, and I had this huge honking injury and felt very protective - don't bump me ouch - and Homeless people, what do you do when you have to take a crap? Honestly. I've slept in a car two nights out of my life. My friend at work, a crazy Mary, lived in her car for six months, all the while working at a fancy-schmancy law firm downtown. What do you do? You do what you have to do, and compassion doesn't take all that much.
I can be fine, everything can be fine, I'm okay, I tell myself things and think those things and everything's fine and I get on with other things in my life like writing some stupid crap about greed and compassion and then I hear his voice down the hall and it upsets the balance of everything and suddenly I can't sit still and what is this, tears again? and I realize that I'm only okay in my own little world, in the fragile little world that I live in that isn't real that is easily pierced and popped by reality or by a voice coming down the hallway. No I don't like him he's a big butthead and not even that attractive and he smokes and lives a toxic lifestyle that I don't want anything to do with and his voice comes down the hall and what I want is that voice to be talking to me again, that's what I want, and every glimpse of him is heartstopping and heartbreaking. It upsets me to know him and it's better for me to be away.
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