me, food, me, girl, me, food, me
Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2005 - 18:27

I haven't written in days and I didn't miss it at all or if I did it was just fleeting flitty little feelings of writerlust. Instead I've been (drinking and) dancing.

(written at work today)

Again yesterday I was compelled to go to Bartells across the street for M&Ms and oh lord they were exactly what I needed. M&Ms, the cure for headache, stomach ache, fatigue, snarkiness, sore muscles, tendonitis, bursitis, boredom, and general malaise. (Not so effective for freak-out-induced chest discomfort though.)

Although I prefer peanut M&Ms I buy the plain ones and put them on the lid of my tea to warm them up and melt the chocolate and they are so deliciously mmmmy that way that mmm I get another handful.

And right now holiday-colored M&Ms are on sale half-off and they are fresher than the general everyday rainbow variety and should I go buy another bag to stock up? Update: M&Ms = bought, it would have been stupid not to. I went jogging last night, it's okay.

I went jogging last night and I attribute that to the handfuls of M&Ms I had earlier in the afternoon. M&Ms, good for motivation. M&Ms, good for energy.

And jogging! Since discovering in August that jogging is so much better without music I've been jogging so successfully and triumphantly, able to run without stopping for much longer than I ever in my wildest dreams dreamed possible, and I've been working on my breathing - breathing in and out through my nose, 4 then 3 steps per breath as opposed to 2 steps per breath through my mouth like before... Last night thanks to the M&Ms I have moved on to my form and wow, by simply changing the angle of my elbows, opening them up the slightest bit, I am propelled forward at a faster rate and wooooo there I go, which unfortunately messes up my breath-step pattern since I'm taking longer strides but we will work on that, we will.

Last night I went clockwise around the lake, I've never done that before and it was a completely different lake and I would have gotten lost if I weren't so smart and knew that the path keeps going forward, around the lake.

And my jogging paths are always around water. First, when I first started jogging -- did you know this? My first trip to Australia, the day I got back, oh I hadn't slept but I got off the plane and got home and after having been awake for I don't even know 20 hours maybe I went jogging, I decided to start jogging so I did it that afternoon -- ... When I first started jogging I went along the ocean bluff, a nice nice supernice gravel trail and that along with In-N-Out Burger is what I miss about California. (Fish tacos too, I guess. And that smell in the springtime.) And then when I moved back Home I'd jog to the lake, jog jog jog water water water and I'd jump in and swim around in those beautiful waters.

Then, the first place I lived in Seattle I'd run to Lake Washington but that was a short-lived ill-fated residence and I moved. I moved to Ballard and ran by Puget Sound, by the marina and the boats and then Golden Gardens. And now here I live by Green Lake and it's my favorite thing right now, Green Lake to jog around in the dark and it's really lovely. But there are too many people. And rabbits, dark scary rabbits in the dark.

The other night there were these two guys looking at an owl in a tree and the owl swooped down onto one of the men. If I were an owl I'd be an attack owl too. I love owls, I love hummingbirds, and that's it.

1. I've been hanging out recently (that's not true). I've recently been in the company of someone who I've known forever and he makes me laugh more than anyone and it's fun to be around him. He's smart and it's fun.

I am a prima donna and I want everyone to fall in love with me. However I am not attracted to this person and I say I don't want any uncomfortableness happening but I just said I want everyone to fall in love with me. And so I'm the one who has weird platonic boy-girl issues, ME.

Except with Kevin.

2. So you know how I had a little eating thing? (You do, I've written about it repeatedly, incessantly, annoyingly.) Well I've been thinking, or actually maybe it was while I was jogging last night (and I keep typing joggin and have to go back and fix it). I think I might write a little story about it. But no one would like the story because here is a secret: I liked it, I liked not eating, I still like it. It's a secret I found, how to lose weight. How do you lose weight? I will tell you the secret: don't eat. Oh eat a little, make sure you get some protein or your hair will fall out. Etc. It's all about self-control. I should write about it. There are many issues, themes: self-control, perfection, reality/perception. Details. One pound isn't that much until it becomes a huge detail, a big fat detail.

3. The girl I like has been gone like all month and might be gone longer. This saddens and annoys me, I would like to see her again! Update! After I wrote this I was sitting there at my desk blah blah boring and guess who came up behind me! Yes she is back in town but just for the afternoon! She's leaving again for two weeks tomorrow! So we talked and I stayed late to talk to her and then I left and I was giddy and then I looked at my phone and she had called me this morning before her flight! And that makes me even giddier! And I'm going to call her back! If you didn't know I like totally like her! (My old friend the boy, I can't even say anything about him. He is also out of town and I'm glad because it means I don't have to deal with him at all.)

4. Party at my house January 20th. There will be dancemonster music.

5. Self-indulgence. In an attempt to combat my self-indulgence I have edited this, cut a few words or clauses here and there. But it's still self-indulgent and I apologize and I realize I wouldn't read this long self-indulgent crap if I hadn't written it myself, but since I did write it I have read it and will likely read it over and over again throughout the day. My self-indulgence can be so delightful to me, if I'm in the right mood, and usually I am. This is why editors are important. Snip snip cut cut, and yes I do need a haircut as well.