still getting stuff out
Monday, Nov. 07, 2005 - 19:21

This is a quote from Ms. Pie from a few months ago, regarding the cute boy: "I do think he sounds like a wonderful person that'll accentuate your life. Just as friends? More than that? Who knows. But at least he's there."

Right, exactly! Here are two of the ways he's influenced my life:

1. Music, our music exchange. He's burned me, I don't know, 15 CDs, maybe more, and I love them and listen to them at night when I fall asleep and wherever I go in the world I will have all this music and of course I think of him when I hear it, of course I will always think of this time.

2. Friendships. I don't keep in touch with people, he does (maybe too much). There's obviously some sort of balance that can be found between no contact (me) and too much overwhelming contact (him) and we I think are exchanging ideas on this like we are with music. In the last two months after knowing the cute boy I have written so many emails my fingers are starting to hurt, and guess what?!!: I had a big little email thread going with my old grad school girlfriends last week, and also last week suddenly there was one with my old high school girlfriends who I had so much fun with at our reunion but then we all fell by the wayside. Old professors, Australians, friends here and there, family. /// I have been in a hole for the past few years, maybe a decade or whatever. I dug the hole myself and put myself into the hole. I isolate myself. And I'm starting to come out of it.

The cute boy is not perfect, not at all, and that is what is so great about knowing him. We have this strange unspoken understanding that might be very shakey but whether it is or isn't doesn't matter because it's there right now. And the cute boy is not perfect but I have learned a lot from him and from knowing him and I think I always sound like a neurotic whiney baby but that's okay because I'm not perfect either. And that's okay too, I suppose.