Once more
2005-10-18 - 16:41

So let me be a little morose and sentimental and you diary are the only one who will understand but ten minutes ago the cute boy who sat next to me at work moved to his new desk. This could be so symbolic, as could th= e end of summer be symbolic, but whether it is or isn't remains to be seen, and symbolism is nice in stories but in real life does it ever really turn out so neat? Hey it might turn out to be a great thing, and if you read my last entry and deduced that the object of that little tirade was my friend the cute boy you might think, hmm, maybe they need a little separation, maybe having to sit next to each other during the day without being able to talk about non-workday things wasn't always such a good thing.

I am upset about so many things, not the least of which is the fact that I have nothing to do at work these days, and I mean nothing, and because of that maybe tomorrow I won't have a job. And maybe in two weeks I won't have a place to live. And, maybe I don't have a friend anymore, I don't know, and frankly he hasn't been much of a friend to me lately. I've been to him, I listened when he called me at 1 in the morning, but I've had problems as well, I've had life-probing issues as well, and I didn't have anyone to tal= k to about it. And I could have used that.

Obviously I'm still pissed, and actually obviously my pissiness is covering up my sadness and/or fear and/or insecurity. INSECURITY.

But, stop watering up eyes, stop watering up and let me type this, I know the way his walk sounds and I won'= t be hearing it coming towards me anymore, stop crying, jesus christ stop crying at work, I'm going into the bathroom right now. Yes, I always listen for his footsteps.