I am at the library and am titleing this before I write it, so I don't
2005-10-16 - 19:34

So as has become my habit I went to Mr. Spots Chai House today to have a (shock) latte and hang out and read and write. I have done that a few times over the past few weeks. Today I got a punch card at last.

And so I am shaky now, nervous and sweating because of the caffeine coursing through my arms and stomach. This usually doesn't happen anymore because I drink coffee so frequently now, not every day, but much more often than I ever did before, and let me confess something: I like lattes, they are delicious. Except today she kind of burned it, but it was still good.

And I am at the library, another of my recent habits. I think this started when things with the cute boy were tense and I didn't know what else to do and I needed to get some Work done and I can't do any Work on my stupid computer in my room because of the way it's set up = no desk and me sitting on the floor.

Fucking room, and goddamnit I looked at a place on Thursday and I actually liked it against my will - I wasn't even going to write back to the guy because I thought it wouldn't be worth my time, but I did and I went there and I actually liked it and I could be comfortable there and there is a porch! I could sit on a porch! And anyway they're meeting more people and will know by the middle of this week - but since they're still meeting people I think it means that I'm not a candidate. Fucking fuck.

I'm sorry if this is all not making sense but seriously it was strong coffee or something, goddamn.

Also I've been making strides with my Literature and my approach to the entire realm.

Also I got another roll of film developed and I am the luckiest camera owner in the world, this fucking Argus (STL 1000, I think?) takes the BEST PICTURES IN THE WORLD, you can be an idiot and make up the exposure times and they come out absolutely beautiful and perfect. Stars! Stars show up in my pictures! How stupidly rad is that!

Cute boy was supposed to be coming back on the train today and I hope he had a good time. He's a nice guy, you know.

My little sister just got a job as a cop.

I might move in with her - she wants to buy a house. This is my baby sister! A cop! And a homeowner!

I still am basically unsure about many things. Yesterday I'd decided that I was okay with something (which I won't tell you about) but then I heard a Simon and Garfunkel song and I lost it, so obviously I'm not quite as okay with that thing as I thought I was. Obviously I need a little closure, even though I say the right things and I even really think those things. But you can't help your feelings.

There has been a weird twitching going on in my stomach, like a fluttery muscle. This was happening yesterday too and is very annoying.

You don't remember but I do - my eyelid started twitching, two years ago, like all the time, it was so annoying. But then it stopped, after like a year. A year! But I think it was because I had a crappy batch of contacts. They were uncomfortable, even when fresh. After I got some new boxes of contacts my eye stopped twitching. This is good. I don't want a twitchy eye.

I think I would like to buy a Subaru. I'm going to sell my truck - 14 mpg is utter craptastica - and a Subaru would get me over the pass fine. And I could still move with it. Etc.

I was going to go shopping today, for gray pants. I've been thinking that maybe I'm dying because it still surprises me to put on old pants and find that they're falling off of me - but I bought my first pair of size 6 pants in January, which is nine months ago - and so this size or whatever that I am now isn't a sudden thing and I should just buy some more clothes that fit me, even though I know it will jinx me and as soon as I buy little clothes I will balloon and the little clothes will only depress me. I don't want to be skinny so I don't know what the deal is anyway. I would like to be healthy. I am, whatever. Speaking of stupid things like this, I am hungry.

Yes, I did my finances last night and have a thousand dollars less than I thought I did in my checking account. That's because my landlord and housemate cashed the checks I wrote them but forgot about. Also, I haven't been paid in a few weeks because of switching over to the firm. So, no income + big checks = less money. I am good at math, don't doubt me.

Henry Rollins is coming to town! And the cute boy and I are going, supposedly, but that's the plan. I'd like to see Bright Eyes too. Also, Iron & Wine and Calexico. Also, Eddie Spaghetti. Also, a David Bowie tribute night, Halloween. Okay.

If I were to title this right now instead of before I started typing it, um... I probably wouldn't be able to come up with anything better. So the end.