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., ! Okay so since you want to know. I didn't write more this morning because I was pissed and terrible (and also very skinny). Last night I got home pissed and drunk and upset and I was crying on the bus home and I missed my bus stop like a drunk idiot. Then I was walking home and my left bun got a pinched nerve or something and I had to limp and hop and it was funny so I started laughing at myself. Then I got home and went straight to bed even though it was before 9:00 and I laid in bed awake and hungry all night long, until I fell asleep in the wee morning hours. Yesterday after work the cute boy and I went to Kevin's shindig together, we walked there from downtown, and after we got there we were hanging out with the people there, not together but exchanging looks and glances and occasional conversation, etc., you know? His friend came and I talked to his friend, who felt a little out of place since he's not a freaking law clerk like the rest of us. Then the cute boy got his backpack. Oh, he was leaving. He said goodbye to Kirstin, who I was talking to, and he and I just looked at each other. I was drunk. I thought, that fucker, he's leaving, and so I walked up to him and he said, "Are you leaving?" and he maybe wanted me to say yes and go with him and his friend but he hadn't said anything to me. So I told him that he's killing me and he put his hand on my shoulder and said "Well excuse me then" and then got down from the stool he was on and I went back to where I'd been, pissed, and we looked at each other through the crowd without smiling, and then he left. And then I left a few minutes later, after giving Kevin a kiss on the cheek. I'm an ass. So he's killing me, and that's my own fault and I should keep it to myself, and he's an asshole like ALL THE OTHER GUYS IN THE WORLD, big surprise. But after work, on the way there, on the way down in the elevator, there's never been such a heavy elevator ride, there's never been so much tension I swear to god. What are you supposed to think when someone looks at you without smiling? = intense But he'd left and I'd made an ass out of myself and I had a long long miserable night. Today I went downtown and came back here and an hour ago was taking a nap and my phone buzzed and of course it couldn't be him because he hates me and probably wouldn't call me ever again and then he'd ignore me on Monday and we'd never be friends again. It was him. We're going to a movie tonight. WHAT DO I WEAR? OH MY GOD IS THIS A DATE? WHAT DO YOU DO ON ONE OF THOSE THINGS? WHAT WILL I WEAR? WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE A STUPID ZIT ON MY CHIN TODAY OF ALL DAYS? IF I WEAR A SKIRT IS THAT TOO HOOCHIE? OH MY GOD. HE'S COMING TO PICK ME UP IN TWO HOURS. It's not a date, we're just friends, I'm so sure, SEE I AM SO DUMB. Except, I told him he was killing me and then he called to ask me to a movie. It's totally a date. Okay. Okay. Um. Ha ha, we probably won't even make it to the movie. SO I AM GOING ON A DATE MAYBE WITH THE CUTE BOY AND I'M ALREADY USING ALL CAPS SO I WILL HAVE TO INCORPORATE BOLD TO SAY OH MY GOD.
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