Cute!
Tuesday, Aug. 02, 2005 - 18:42

Everyone at work thinks my friend - my friend has been relegated back to being a cute boy - the cute boy at work... I'll start over. Everyone at work thinks the cute boy at work is cute. And remember I work at the biggest law firm in the world, it's a tank. And indeed the first time I saw him walk past me I thought, "Oh my, there goes a cute boy." But there's cute, and then there's a deeper kind of cute. And if you saw the cute boy you'd think he was cute, but I've seen him many times and in many different lights and he has a cuteness that isn't just cute. For example, I like how his eyes laugh. And you probably wouldn't notice his eyes at first, you'd notice his mouth. But just like Tony Caponi he has lovely blue eyes.

I like to make him laugh. He told me I'm funny, and that's the best compliment you could ever give me. And it seems that he likes to laugh at me, so it's fun. Unfortunately I've been all laughy lately and I think it's annoying. People like my laugh, my real laugh, when it comes, because it's a rare thing indeed, but if I'm giving it out too much it might get annoying, I don't know.

Last night after the concert which I won't tell you about because I'm talking about the cute boy at work and not about music, we were walking, me him and Sarah, and I sadly came to my bus stop and they walked on. I decided, however, to run after them and take a different bus. Then Sarah got a cab (he got a cab for her, how cute), and then... then he went home, alas. Then this morning he asked me if I'd gotten home okay and he said after he left he'd wished he'd stayed. Well anyway.

The cute boy at work and I have ignored each other so long that I know when he's coming towards me down the hall, I know how his walk sounds, and when I get up or come back he knows.

The cute boy at work and I have subtle ways of communicating, glances, smiles, not smiles, and people come talk to us and we enjoy that and when they're being weird or have overstayed their welcome we can communicate that to each other without our guests knowing.

The cute boy at work and I are going to Bumbershoot. He said, are you going? I said, I don't know. He said, we should go. I said, okay.

The cute boy at work is not perfect, or I mean the cute boy at work is not ideal - remember when I was all philosophical and was thinking all the time about perfection? 'Perfect' does not mean 'ideal'. People are perfect, the cute boy is perfect, but he's not, you know, flawless, which is totally cute and perfect, and way cuter than some boring flawless ideal cardboard person.

The cute boy at work does smoke.

The cute boy at work is a runner.

The cute boy at work eats carrots, and bananas.

The cute boy at work is very smart, he is very intelligent, I'd like for him to tell me everything he knows that I don't know. Does he know about blimps? Because I don't. Does he know about ants? Because I don't. What does he know about money and crap? What does he know about politics? Come on come on tell me.

The cute boy at work likes music and knows about music that I don't know about.

The cute boy at work has an accent, you know, very North.

My imagination is too big and it's so hard for me to really be sure what I'm making up and what I'm not. And I have this terrible affliction called being way too sensitive, which means people kill me with the slightest blink. And I know I'll get my feelings hurt and I know I'm being retarded and I have never not once flirted with the cute boy lest he think I think he's a cute boy. Because once I start thinking maybe we could be "more than friends" that's when it will become obvious that there's no way he likes me at all.

Except he did give me that look. I don't know, maybe he was just drunk.

When do his classes start? Why doesn't he ride his skateboard anymore? Why does he want to be a lawyer? He won't be working when school starts, will he? [What will I do then? I'll quit, I'll get a new job.] I'm hungry and I'm tired, does he have a couch I can take a nap on?

Well, etc. So it goes.

If I'd been more aggressive I could have found everything out by now, you know, but there's no use being impatient with me because - this is fun, isn't it? And why would I want to rush through all this?