I miss Australia. I don't talk about that at all in this entry, I just talk about the dumb story I'm writing, but it's true. I wrote two entries today for no reason at all.
Monday, Nov. 22, 2004 - 22:16

Story status: I have about 17,000 words written. I am so behind. I'm worried right now that I'll finish the plot and still not get to 50,000 words, and then I'll flunk my first serious attempt at this Novel Writing Month thing.

Also, the problem with writing a story narrated by a half-retarded dishonest psycho is that you can't stop writing and thinking like her. And talking like her. I've been talking like her lately, I'm afraid.

Also, the problem with applying for jobs is that you need a resume. And the problem with resumes is that you have to write them. And the problem with writing them is that you realize you're a total moron and no one will ever want to hire you. But the problem with not having a job is that it's depressing. But damn.

Also, the problem with writing a resume when you're in the middle of writing a story told by a half-retarded dishonest psycho... well, you can probably figure that out. "I was a maid, and I got a promotion to quality inspector, which meant I didn't really have to clean the rooms anymore, I just got to inspect them after they were cleaned, but I still cleaned anyways because we were real busy sometimes, you don't even know. Plus, some of the other inspectors were like real stuck up about it, but I didn't want to be like that at all, so I cleaned rooms all the time, practically, except when I was busy doing other things, like the various tasks that inspectors had to do."

Also, I'm wearing my new glasses right now. You might as well know this about me right now, I'm a terrible know-it-all. So, okay, MAYBE the woman who gave me my new prescription knows more about optometry than I do. But still, she didn't inspire much confidence. MAYBE she got the prescription right, but is it my fault if I didn't believe her? She was not competent at all.

Also, I got the Jet album for like $3 a couple months ago, I got it because it was $3, and you know what? I like it. I sing along. I'm listening to it right now.

Also, I am apparently procrastinating on resume writing by working on other projects that were previous objects of procrastination but that are now much more desirable than resume writing: novel writing and blanket sewing. I've been working on these damn blankets since JULY.

Here's the beginning of my story. No, don't tell me, it's captivating, I already know:

Like two years ago Michelle Edwards came back to Buffalo Gun after being AWOL for six years. It was weird that no one knew where she was, because she was always real popular. She was the most popular girl in school, from fifth grade until the end of high school. After that she left and went to college in Riverside, and then she graduated from college, and then she just disappeared. No one knew where she was. Some people thought she was traveling around Europe, but some thought she eloped or maybe was an actress in New York City or in Los Angeles, California.

Actually what Michelle was doing was hiding out, because she was being stalked. She didn�t know who it was, but there were these letters and phone calls she got that talked about things she did like someone was watching through the windows or something. So she got all scared and her family sent her off someplace to hide. They all thought it was her boyfriend from high school, Brad Harvey, everyone thought that, because she broke up with him after she went to college. Brad Harvey said it wasn�t him, but no one believed him because he was such a jerk.

Poor Brad Harvey, it really wasn't him. But you don't know that yet. Yes, it's a captivating story.

I figured, since I've never actually written anything before, it would be easier for me to have my first Big Thing narrated by a moron so I wouldn't have to worry about being a Good Writer and all that Dan Brown crap. Also, if it turns out to be a really bad story, I can just blame it on the narrator and pretend that it's actually so brilliant you can't tell it's brilliant.

Also, in order to up my word count, I ingeniously gave the town a two-word name. I could even go up to three words, like Tamworth-in-Arden! Except it's not set in England! And it's too lame to even think about having a Nick Drake reference! So it's Buffalo Gun, which is the stupidest name for a town I've ever heard and I'm shaking my head in disgust at myself right now. But I'll change it later, maybe.

Also, Brad Harvey's original last name was Harris. Or maybe it was originally Harvey and then somehow became Harris, and then I changed it back, whatever. But, maybe it should be Harris again, I don't know.

That's the problem with sharing this with you, I'm second guessing and apologizing for it, when, in fact, I should be gloating quietly to myself BECAUSE IT'S SO RAD.