some movies I saw in Melbourne
Wednesday, Nov. 05, 2003 - 12:38

I was bored and Melbourne was cold and lame so I decided to go to the movies. In less than 24 hours I saw three films and spent $35 on tickets and a Kit Kat and a popcorn and a pop. The movies I saw were all good and now I'll tell you about them:

Intolerable Cruelty: I went back to the hotel after seeing this and Kay asked me what I'd seen. "Unspeakable Cruelty," I told her. "Intolerable Cruelty?" she asked. "Yeah, whatever, some sort of horrible cruelty. It was good. I like George Clooney. He's funny." "And he's handsome." Kay said that, not me. I like Catherine Zeta-Jones too, even though I try not to. And Geoffrey Rush being Australian, that was funny, ha ha, because I'm in Australia right now! What a coincidence!

Did I ever tell you - no I didn't, so I'll tell you now - the Shine guy lives in the Bellingen area, and there were pictures of him in the backpacker's - not naked, but taken by the naked photographer - and he really looks a lot like Geoffrey Rush. Or the other way around.

Laurel Canyon: I really didn't like the son, and I don't know if it's the actor or the character I don't like. There was some actor or actress - this won't be very informative because I totally can't remember who it was - who I didn't like until I saw them in some movie playing some character I liked, someone quite different from the characters this person usually played, and I was glad that I was finally able to like this actor or actress, whoever it was. This is one of the pitfalls of having humans playing humans - not enough separation between real and not real. So now I'm wondering, do I really hate David Schwimmer, or do I just hate Ross?

Japanese Story: If there's a movie with Toni Colette in it, you should go see it because: 1. she's Australian, 2. she's pretty but in a real way, 3. her name is Toni. Now I'll tell you the whole plot of the story. If you don't want to know what happens, don't read this. So this Japanese guy comes to Australia - Why? No one really knows - and Toni Colette has to run around with him - Why? No one really knows. Ostensibly to get him to buy her software, but why does she have to run around with him to do that? It doesn't make much sense. They go look at mines - Why? No one really knows. Maybe he wants to buy the mines - I don't know. Then he demands to go out to the desert - Why? No one really knows, but he demands it and he's Japanese, so they go. Toni Colette drives. They get stuck, they get unstuck, they laugh, she puts on his pants, they get it on, they go swimming, and then he dies. She puts him in the back of the Land Cruiser and drives around some more and then gives him to an undertaker. She cries and yells a lot, and then his wife comes and gives Toni Colette a letter that the Japanese guy had somehow managed to write while he and she were driving around getting it on. Then the movie ends with unsettling unsatisfying music.

It was sad when Toni Colette was crying and yelling, and also when she was trying to get him into the car, and a tear came out of my left eye and ran down my cheek - but I couldn't be too upset because HE WASN'T REALLY DEAD. I know they don't really kill the actors - that would be impractical and mean - so it was a real live guy pretending to be a real dead guy - and he was doing an okay job, keeping still and not breathing - but I saw the artery in his neck beating, so I knew he wasn't dead. He was in a coma or something but they forgot to check. So I couldn't get too sad about it, and it only brought out one tear. Okay okay, three tears, but only from my left eye. It wasn't enough to get both eyes crying.

Then the movie ended and I left. The end.