Cornelius Coley, Ethan Jade, Clarice Moreland, Robby Hollingsworth, Alberta Murdock! I've discovered a veritable landmine for names! And the best thing is, they keep coming! Woohoo! [eww] ooooo uuuu uwww ouu euu
Monday, Jul. 14, 2003 - 18:04

I love spam so much that I turned on my dairyland email account again because I missed it. I told you about this a while ago. And it's been so good to have it back. It's just so entertaining.

I've thought of another wonderful thing about spam: the names. All the kind, helpful people sending me unsolicited information about penile enlargement and hot videos and girls on horses and mortgage rates -- all those people, my new friends, have such wonderful names that are just dying to be used in stories.

Such as (and no one else can use these for their stories or else I will sue them!) Jackie Villa, Eldon Munson, Carmine Keenan, Ora Pierson, Derick Yazzie, and Collin Grant. And those are just from this afternoon's spams! There are literally thousands, nay, millions of names just dying for me to use them in my wonderful exciting stories that I'll never write!

This is a good thing because I can never think of names.

What would I do without spam. Seriously.

Also, while we're on the subject of authorship, I've been wondering how to write, um, I can't even put it here because I don't know how to write it. But like, woo, but without the W. Eww, yeah, eww is a homonym or homophone or whatever, but 'eww' implies ickiness, and I want the thing that sounds like that but is used for like, "[unspellable sound], you're a big fat spoiled baby" or whatever. You know what I mean? How do you spell that?

It rhymes with shoe, goo, pooh, you, who, to, flew, and a host of other variously spelled words.

I've been trying to figure this out for quite a while. Please help me, someone. You're my only hope.