Bye Holden
Sunday, April 13, 2003 - 21:13

Okay, this is the third meeting of This Diary's Book Club and we will finish our discussion of The Catcher in the Rye tonight, okay? And then after this we'll start reading 1984.

Me: Alright, what's up with Holden?

You: I don't know dude, what's up with him?

Me: Why's he so fucked up? Is it just because his brother died? Or is it because he's confused about his sexuality? Or is it because he's too sensitive? Or is it all of these things?

You: Hmm. There's like an innocence in him.

Me: Yeah, but at the same time he indulges in all these adult vices, like smoking and drinking too much and prostitutes and stuff.

You: Yeah, but he isn't able to go through with it with the prostitute.

Me: Yeah, because he's gay.

You: No, because he's innocent.

Me: Holden's a phony.

You: No he's not!

Me: Yes he is. And he's the worst kind too, because he knows he's phony.

You: But-

Me: Yes, he says he joins that stupid club or whatever at school, the cool guy club, even though he knows it's dumb. And he's always lying. He's a phony. But maybe, hopefully, he'll stop.

You: You know all about being a phony, don't you?

Me: Yes, because I've been faking my way through grad school. I even faked my way through college. It's hard to stop being fake. It's taken me years. And I knew I was a fake, too, just like Holden. But it's hard to stop.

You: Okay, so why is it The Catcher in the Rye?

Me: Well, he wants to catch little kids from falling off a cliff. He likes little kids, he likes their innocence, and he's lost his innocence and wants to protect it in little kids. So he goes to Phoebe's school and tries to erase all the fuck yous on the walls. Innocence. And his is gone.

You: Because his brother died.

Me: And because he's growing up. It's hard growing up. Everyone has growing pains.

You: Yeah, okay, I'm bored. Let's not talk about this anymore.

Me: Okay, hold on, let me check my notes and see if there's anything else I wanted to say...

You: You have notes? Dork.

Me: Yes, I have one page of notes, just because I wanted to be sure I said everything I wanted to say. I've read two pages of 1984 and I already have a page of notes. But hopefully I'll be able to control myself with that.

You: Sounds like a whole lot of fun. You're not going to be a conspiracy theorist or anything, like all paranoid, are you?

Me: I hope not.

You: Good, because I don't think I'd come back.

Me: You'd have to, though, because I've just made you up. You'll do whatever I say you'll do.

You: That's true. You got me there.

Me: Okay, good. Bye.

You: Bye.