Music, racism, music
Wensday, September 12, 2001 - 22:52

Last night Mr. Pooh turned off the TV and turned on some Pearl Jam. It was nice for two reasons: 1. no more TV, and 2. I hadn't listened to Pearl Jam in a while. Then tonight we did the same, and we also watched some of the PJ DVD. It was calming.

I haven't been listening to music at all the last two days, because I don't want to associate anything with this. I was listening to the Beautiful South when Columbine happened, and now I can't listen to them without thinking about that and getting the same weird feeling I had in my stomach that I had then.

A lot of people on the internet are freaking out and indulging in their knee-jerk reactions. I realize more and more that I'm an optimist at heart. I don't think the world is going to end. I don't think this is the beginning of the end. I don't think the media is covering up the crashes of other airplanes. I don't think Americans are bad. I wish I didn't think people from the Middle East are bad, but I think maybe I do. That calls for another paragraph.

I don't know much about that part of the world, its geography, its culture, anything. All I know is Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden and people dragging the bodies of American soldiers through the streets and buildings with bullet holes and 10 year old boys throwing rocks. But I also know that everyone is an individual and that I shouldn't assume everyone is like that. I know that I'm associating those negative images with a whole unknown region of the world. But my first thought about who did this was that Those People did it. And I didn't even know who I thought Those People were. Muslims? Arabs? Iraqis? Lebanese? Palestinians? I had no idea.

And if They hate Americans so much, why can't I hate Them back? They hate me, so I hate Them.

But They don't all hate Americans. Everyone is an individual. I'm overgeneralizing, overreacting, overextending. But it's what I'm doing, and sometimes I catch myself feeling that way.

But that's when Pearl Jam comes on and I hear the quiet guitars start to play, and then Eddie starts singing:

And I wished for so long...cannot stay.
All the precious moments...cannot stay.
It's not like wings have fallen...cannot stay.
But still something's missing...cannot say.

Holding hands of daughters and sons,
And their faiths are falling down.
I have wished for so long...
How I wish for you today.

Will I walk the long road? Cannot stay...
There's no need to say goodbye...

All the friends and family.
All the memories going round.
I have wished for so long.
How I wish for you today.

And the wind keeps roaring,
And the sky keeps turning gray.
And the sun is set...
The sun will rise another day.

I have wished for so long...
How I wish for you today.
I have wished for so long...
How I wish for you today.

Will I walk the long road?
We all walk the long road...