What I think about birds
Wensday, May 23, 2001 - 9:20

Crows: I hate crows. They're loud and ugly. They make big poo. They're smart and they know I hate them, so they all look at me menacingly. They are all plotting to attack me someday. I have a lovely little birdbath in my little garden plot, and I thought that lovely little birds would take lovely little baths in it, but instead, the fucking crows used it to soften up their food or something. And crows are omnivores. So I was always having to spray out soggy bread and stuff, but then one day there was a motherfucking bloody featherless bird body in it. So I don't put water in it anymore. That's why I hate crows. Fuck crows!

Hooty birds: I don't really know what these birds are called. They're pigeony things, but they don't sound like pigeons. Their hoots are actually kind of nice, except when they are sitting on the rail outside of your bedroom window at 4 in the morning. That's why I sometimes don't like hooty birds. But any other time I like them.

Owls: I like owls. We have nice big great horned owls here. They kind of look like big cats sitting in the trees. I like listening to them at night. The owls could hoot all night and I wouldn't mind. They could sit on the rail outside my bedroom and I wouldn't mind.

Hummingbirds: Hummingbirds are my favorite birds now. After that traumatic experience finding a bird body in the bird bath, a hummingbird came over and was playing with me. I was watering my pathetic garden, and the hummingbird was drinking the mist from the hose, and then it would sit in the stream of water and take a bath. Often when I'm sitting outside a hummingbird will come up and look at me and want to play. Hummingbirds are pretty and iridescent.

Blue herons: They're neat from a distance, but up close they're kind of scary.