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Paranoia? I seriously didn't think I'd live through March. That's why I waited until April 1 to write this entry. I didn't want to say "I seriously didn't think I'd live through March" on March 31 and then die that night. But apparently I didn't die. I had to travel around a lot and go on a lot of planes. Theoretically, I'm terrified of flying. When I'm actually on the plane, I'm fine. I don't start screaming during takeoff or anything. But sitting in my living room watching the news about another plane that crashed into the ocean--that terrifies me. So I thought I was going to get in a plane crash and die. A few days before I left for the first trip, I was in the bathroom and I looked in the mirror and realized that I had no idea what I'd been thinking or feeling all day. So I thought that I was like preparing to die. I've always wondered what people think the days before they die. Do they somehow know they're going to die? So I thought that I was getting this premonition that I was going to die. So before I left I was trying to get things done, not just for my trip, but for the rest of my life. It was sad, because I didn't want to die, but I thought I would. When I parked the car at the airport, I left a note for my boyfriend in it saying that I loved him, he is a good boyfriend, blah blah blah, just in case I died and he had to go pick up the car. Whenever I got on a plane, I asked myself if I was prepared to die. I didn't want to be caught off guard if the plane crashed. I wanted to be ready for it. But obviously I didn't get in a plane crash and die, and I didn't get in a car crash and die. Of course just because I survived the month of March doesn't mean I'm not going to die in April. But at least I don't have to worry about it now.
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