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Saturday, Jul. 28, 2018 - 19:51

I'm dogsitting and it's going very well. This dog is so easy! My dog is a doll as well of course but he's just a bit of a turd sometimes. This dog is 100% good dog, my dog is 98% good dog. She leaves tomorrow. And I'll be glad except not, because right now this is giving me something to do.

And what do I do? I don't even know. I think I'm - once again, still - dealing with the end of this thing. And I'm surprised by it again and surprised by how sad and so fucking uncomfortable I feel. I miss it so much even though I know I shouldn't, I know what I know, it's just hard to make your feelings follow suit. If I were watching a movie with myself as the main character, I'd know that she's about to embark on something good - she's leaving behind something not so good, and things will get better. She'd sit and cry for a second and then, like, she'd be walking her dog and holding a cup of coffee and she'd trip over some cute crack in the sidewalk and the world would open up to her - or something like that.

Anyway, meanwhile, while I'm waiting for this trip-up to happen, I'm trying to remind myself to be productive (even though it's not really working). I can be productive! I can do things! I took out the garbage today even though garbage night isn't until Monday!

Aside no. 1
I'm reading a book about this woman who sees visions of her long-dead ancestress from the 1500s and she starts thinking she and the ancestress are the same person. The visions she sees are of her ancestress and her lover. I think you're supposed to believe that she actually sees these things, but unfortunately it's super unrealistic because they're not using early modern English! How am I supposed to believe this crap! Real 16th century ghosts wouldn't be using modern English! Clearly these are psychosexual delusions that this crazy nerd girl is having and she doesn't want to admit it.

Aside no. 2
My potato plants died - I never watered them - so I dug the fuckers up, expecting nothing. But I got a bunch of lovely little french fingerlings. This is sarcastically fantastic for me because: a couple weeks ago I decided I was going to eat more potatoes, so I bought a small bag at the store. I used one or two. Then when I went camping I bought a large bag of bakers at Costco, thinking we'd eat a bunch of them. We ate two. And now this! I've got potatoes coming out of my ears. Tonight I made creamed peas and new potatoes. I'd rather the store-bought potatoes went to waste, even though I paid cash money for them. Goddamn french fingerlings. Also, the garden kind of sucks this year - I don't know why - but the tomatoes are finally starting to get up there. Maybe there'll be some ripening in the next couple weeks.