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This derailed some It's snowing! Right now! Technically it's snowing. Technically it's been snowing all day long. At the rate it's snowing we'll have half an inch by Christmas. Still counts, though - it's snowing! On Saturday I'm doing a race up in the hills, where it has been snowing for two days. It'll be okay but I bet you a hundred smackers my period will be happening with gusto. Look. I am annoyed when people use 'reveal' as a noun. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. Maybe I'm okay with verbing nouns but not nouning verbs, although that would be ridiculous. Wouldn't it be? I am too hungry to think about this further. Being annoyed by the nouning of verbs - maybe that's because one day long ago I heard or read some criticism of the use of 'read' as a noun, like in the one commercial with the lady sitting on a stool who's like, "Looking for a good read? Well I have something for you. It's the new book 'Hung Hugo's Captive Love' by Chauncey de Launcey, a hot new historical romance for all you idiots out there looking for something stupid to numb your mind!" Hung Hugo's Captive Love Lovely Mira Vanderlay looked at herself in the mirror and frowned adorably. Her nose was too pert! Ugh, she just hated it. She sighed and then twirled. Tonight was her 17th birthday and she fully expected a proposal from the most dashing and eligible bachelor in the neighborhood, Fitz Hubdeberb. Mira put on her loveliest pink chiffon dress - imported from Paris - and studied her reflection in the mirror critically. It was true that she was the tiniest and most beautiful person in the entire world, but sometimes, in the right light, the faint freckle on her left cheek was visible. An imperfection! Fitz hated imperfections. Perhaps he wouldn't see the freckle tonight... Suddenly there was a crashing behind her. Mira turned around, startled. A terrible pirate had swung on a rope through her window. Mira was terrified, but when her eyes met his she couldn't help but gasp, for he had the most startling blue eyes she had ever seen. "M'lady," the pirate said, bowing sarcastically. Mira suddenly got goosebumps on her arms. "Are you cold?" the pirate growled. Mira trembled. "You're coming with me!" the pirate hissed possessively. Mira was swept into his arms, and she promptly lost consciousness. The next morning, Mira awoke from what seemed like the most glorious dream. She sighed and then stretched, curling her toes luxuriously. Suddenly she realized that she was not alone. She opened her eyes to find the pirate standing in the corner of the room, watching her. She sat up angrily. "Where am I?" she demanded. "You are safe," he said. "Where am I?" she demanded. "You are on my ship and this is my stateroom," he said. "Turn this ship around at once," she ordered. "Don't worry, your virtue is intact," he said sardonically. "How dare you!" Mira exclaimed, flustered. "Try as you might, you cannot hide your passion forever," he said. She glared at him, then rolled over and punched the pillow. She heard the pirate chuckle as he left the cabin, locking the door behind him. She fell into a fitful sleep. She was awaked by a terrifying boom. The pirate rushed into the cabin. "We are under attack," he said with calm urgency. "You stay here." Mira ran at him, burying her tiny face in his huge chest. "Don't leave me here," she cried. He hesitated, then kissed her on the forehead and walked grimly toward the door. Mira paced back and forth. The battle overhead waged on unrelentingly. What would she do if the other pirates killed her pirate? Would she be rekidnapped? Why was she so nervous about her pirate? What was this feeling? Could it be... love? Mira laughed at herself and shook her head, her golden curls reflecting the sunlight coming through the ship windows. Then, after what seemed like days, the fighting stopped. Mira tried the stateroom door and found to her delight that it was not locked. She tiptoed to the poopdeck and nearly wretched at what she saw - piles upon piles of the bodies of dead pirates. She frantically flung each body aside looking for her pirate, choking on her tears. An hour later, after she'd gotten through all of the bodies on the ship and not finding him, she sank down to the deck, unable to cry in her despair. Suddenly she heard a sail ripping as it was being cut by a knife. It was her pirate, coming down the sail, holding onto the knife. Mira couldn't believe her eyes. She ran to him. "I thought you were dead," she whimpered. "Never!" he cried, and he threw back his head and laughed. "We will name our first son John Harvey, after the first mate," she said. He looked at her, entranced. "I love you, my darling" he said. "I even love the adorable freckle on your cheek." Mira laughed with joy. "Always and forever," she said. She sighed happily. Everything in her life was perfect. THE END
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