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skeletons in closets Does anyone else get Rob Brezsny's newsletter? You should. This week he says, among other things: "Step #3: Simply feel your suffering. Don't judge it or repress it. Don't come up with reasons about how it's beneath you to feel it or how you should be over it by now or how you can't believe you still let it have so much power over you. Let the pain ripple and flow. Allow it to break your heart apart. Give it room to wail its truths. Marvel at the fullness of the emotions it stirs." I said I wouldn't write about it again but Rob Brezsny says it's okay. And so I will now quote myself: "You're my good time, the most beautiful time, and you've said you owe me a lot but you have no idea how much I owe you. No, no one owes anything. What I give to you I give freely." I found that in a notebook last night. And the other day I must confess I read some of our old chats. Maybe I'll post one of those one of these days so you'll see exactly what I'm missing. Reading these things, in notebooks or in chats, my first reaction is how beautiful and fun they are. They make me smile. I laugh out loud, even. Then predictably I start to cry and I wonder WHY etc. etc. etc. I don't think I need to tell you what I think about first thing in the morning. I don't think I need to tell you what I think about before falling asleep at night. I don't want to obsess about it and no I don't want to write about it anymore here, but everything is not hunky dory. But that's okay, and it's okay that I'm not over it, and it's okay that I think about it. I am an Eeyore and I knew it would end and that's why I wrote all these things. Like time capsules to myself. I knew I'd read them later. Later is now. I read them and think, wow, that was me. I am grateful for the memories and sad that they're only memories and happy that I have this tangible evidence of it. And other things. Mad, confused, peaceful, pissed, impatient, stupid. I love him. I would like to mope for a few months but I don't have any freaking time to mope. If I could mope properly I'd write some high-quality shit, man.
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