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me being sad and tired, Costa Rica part six or whatever Not happy these days, blame it on post-travel blues or my annual spring depression or sad-bad interactions-noninteractions with a person I give too many shits about. Feeling pensive and thinky with very little time to do that; went to a naked lady spa after work tonight to get away from people. There was an enormous butch who was there not to partake in the spaness of the place but rather to look at the scenery and show off her scenery. Scenery such as hers, I'm sorry, but frankly I'd prefer it not to be displayed in such a splayed fashion in my presence. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Now I'm going to get into bed. I should get into bed and cry - that just sounds nice, and like something I should do, get it out - but instead I'm going to read. Here. More from Costa Rica, the end: Friday night It was a beautiful day and I am so glad to be in the mountains and up here on these mountains in the middle of Costa Rica (or not exactly the middle) you can look down and see the Pacific ocean. It is beautiful here � Monteverde, green mountain. I look out at the green hills and can almost believe I'm in Italy - I expect to see vineyards. But there are coffeeyards and cows. In the group � Monteverde by horse was actually car-boat (oh the boatride! water!)-horse-car � in the group were two Canadians � everyone here is Canadian � two Canadians, a flawlessly beautiful girl and her something-or-other and inexplicably they both shaved their arms � stubble � and where do our ideas about beauty come from? And if we closed our eyes who would we like and who would we quickly grow tired of? He right now is probably lobster pink and in pain and she is probably giving herself a facial. My horse was better than that fucking monster thing I had to ride yesterday but still wasn't terribly responsive. And did I mention I'm glad to be in the mountains? And it is actually cool out and I'm cozy under blankets and now I'll read and fall asleep. Glad the trip is almost over. And I'm sick of people. Monteverde is rad and dusty. I am rad and dusty as well. Did a zipline and canopy tour today and hummingbirds. If you could be a hummingbird or an owl which would you be? I'd be both, an owl one day and a hummingbird the next. Gave my laundry to some lady and I hope she washes it and gives it back. Still haven�t paid for this room and although my sister kept waking up and waking me up and I swear the alarm went off at like 3 and she had to reset it (although she denies this) and she turned the light on to read in the middle of the night even though it was only 11 and the people above us weren�t loud but we could hear everything they did � still it was the most comfortable night I�ve had in Costa Rica. Tomorrow we�re moving up the hill a bit, just a bit, to a place where we were taken first but my sister demanded the sun and the moon so they brought us here � Sol y Luna. Haven't been reading much because � on the coasts it's so hot during the day you can't do anything but read or sleep. Even the beach is too hot, from like 11-2. So I read a lot there, but up in the mountains, no. I could listen to music but the moron who packed my bag � she put in her mp3 player, which was nice, and she packed some batteries, which was thoughtful, but the batteries are the wrong size for the little mp3 player. They work in the flashlight but who cares about a stupid flashlight anyway. So the mp3 player is nearly dead. Covered in sweat and dust, sitting on a bench with a view of the Nicoya Peninsula and the gulf. Sunset. We walked today. Took a cab to Monteverde because I refused to walk there in the morning, didn�t want to get so dusty so early. Walked down a road and it was lovely until we got to the wastewater treatment pool, and then there was mucho estinkinado. Walked. Coffee, lunch. Walked. Went to a trail my sister had read about � 3 km, clay trail, turned out to be 5000 km up a steep steep donkey trail called Dos Amigos Masochistos or something, into the clouds. Got to the top of the mountain. It was loud and everything was dripping because we were in the clouds = views of whiteness. It was nice though, you know, and I�m supposed to be training for a race (a mega super 8K!), and tomorrow we�ll be on a bus for a few hours and the day after that on a plane all day so moving is good and felt good and my body is awesome. Really very dusty though and need to check my email tonight or tomorrow morning and I wonder if I need to go to the ATM. All over Costa Rica, so many times, I�ve heard that song about my hump, my hump my hump my hump, my lovely lady lumps. [later] Checked my email and it stresses me out, for one thing because of the shows I�m missing I don�t even want to think about it � but really it�s more this: I�m excited to go back, I�m looking forward to it, but go back to what? To what? I knew leaving would be the end of something and new things will start and that�s exciting but all that�s there now is a dead shell and that�s what I�ll be going back to. I don�t want to go back. What am I doing? What will I do? Monday March 13 Flying home tomorrow. Today was dusty and sunny. Rode the bus down from Monteverde, went through the wall of coastal humidity, got to Alajuela, got a room, sweaty and dusty and hungry and tired, etc. and then we went to the store and on the way there was a man standing behind a rock playing with his ding dong. It was kind of disturbing. Tuesday March 14 At the airport in San Jose you can get liquored up, caffeinated, or hopped up on chocolate for free because they have not one or two or even three but like ten (or five) stores in the terminal all selling Cafe Britt products with SAMPLES. You go to one store and sample some coffee liqueur, some chocolates, some coffee, and then you go down the terminal a little bit to the next store and do it all over again, pig out, wear out your welcome, and move on to the next. Although the clerks never acted like you were wearing out your welcome. That�s self-imposed guilt talking. Yeah, it was pretty nice. I have suddenly become exceedingly tired. Woke up at 5 this morning. Um. I can�t remember anything else. Saw no penises today so far. Had some dream last night but I can�t remember it. Oh I got a free totally nice massage from this wildly talented chair that costs $4200. Boarding soon. Woke up the other morning feeling like a giant bear again and now I wonder if it�s some claustrophobic thing rather than a self-image thing. Because it felt like I was very close to the walls, all the walls. And when I was having my eating issues I never felt anything like that. My sister says she got drunk off the coffee liqueur this morning. I might sleep this whole flight. I�m very tired. When I got back from Australia I found myself keeping to the left, disrupting crowd flow, and even now that seems more natural to me than keeping to the right. My entire identity as an individual in a North American crowd has been irretrievably altered, forever. Forevermore will I keep to the left. And I bring this up because I might always be trying to throw away toilet paper now. I don�t know, I hope not, but the two times I�ve peed since leaving the ground in Costa Rica I�ve hesitated. Flushing the toilet paper is so decadent. God, barf, I�m tired and full of food, ugh, and I�m going to get the bus and get on the godforsaken 358 with my luggage and it will be weird to be back and I hear it�s winter up there still � in Sandpoint � and wah I�m homesick I want to move back to Sandpoint, Seattle is not my home, I have no home in Seattle. In Seattle I�ll get home and be assailed by obnoxiousness. When I move (if I move) I will get an apartment by myself and I�ll listen to the music I want to listen to when I want and I�ll get a kitten. I never want to eat again, my dad wants to sell my wedding dress which is kind of sad because I liked the back of it, and I need to pee but we don�t take off for 20 more minutes. My bag is dusty and full of dirty clothes. I�m in seat 23A. And that�s about it.
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