A sad announcement, and then the Exciting Spring Writing Contest awards ceremony
Sunday, Apr. 03, 2005 - 21:42

The bad news is, I might not be able to post my April poems each day this week because there is another Guest staying in my computer room.

The good news is, this will keep me off of the computer for a while.

Now, tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the awards for the Exciting Spring Writing Contest!

First of all, I was very glad to see that everyone picked up on the violence/blood/sex theme. I had only put that into the rules psychically and I was worried that perhaps it wouldn't be transmitted through the internet, but it was! So everyone wins a Psycho Psychic Award, along with their other special award.

And now on with the show.

The Sex Award goes to Violet for her graphic and chilling expose of a lonely one night stand, and the psychological and environmental consequences wreaked upon the participants and their cats.

The Blood Award goes to Crazylady for her graphic and chilling expose of the rituals and customs forced upon pubescent girls in late 20th Century America, and the psychological and social consequences wreaked upon those girls.

The Bloody Violence Award goes to the Swordsman for his graphic and chilling expose of the metallic aftermath of death-by-sword, and the psychological and geological consequences wreaked upon warriors who have to clean up after such incidents.

AND FINALLY, the Grand Prize, the Sexy Bloody Violence Award, goes to me! for my graphic and chilling expose of a small-town bumbling police force, a murderous daughter, and a peeping naked neighbor, and the psychological and audiological consequences wreaked upon the participants and observers of those tragic tragic events. I, as the grand prize winner, win a week's worth of Tillamook Yogurt, on sale at QFC for 25 cents each!

I didn't link to any of the entries; one was sent by email and is therefore impossible to link to. But you other two, or all three, if you want a link to the entry, send me a holler. I didn't because everyone's all weird about their writing, NOT THAT YOU SHOULD BE, THEY WERE REALLY VERY GOOD AND I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE SPENT MORE THAN TEN MINUTES ON THEM, THAT'S HOW GOOD THEY WERE. Also, if you didn't enter because you're incredibly LAME OR LAZY, I SUPPOSE you still can enter and get a prize, BUT I'm not guaranteeing it. I mean, I'm just so busy and you can't expect me to spend all my time being a judge, can you? It takes such a long time.

ATTENTION WINNERS: Now you have to send me an email (reginatoo [at] gmail [dot] com) with 1. your name, and 2. your mailing address. BEFORE YOU DO THIS, LET ME WARN YOU: 1. You cannot take your safety for granted, ever, ever, jesus, and 2. you cannot take the sanity of others for granted. If I learned anything last summer working with felons and delusional psychos, I learned those two things. SO YOU SHOULDN'T BE SENDING STRANGERS YOUR ADDRESS OVER THE INTERNET. However, being me, I can assure you that I won't go crazy on you. HOWEVER, you don't know that. I could be lying to you and you wouldn't know it. I could be some terrible one-eyed pirate who killed the person you know as Regina Toowomba and I'm now using her computer and eating her gummi bears ha ha ha! (scary laugh.) Also, you should know that I'm not going to put my real name or return address on the fabulous prize I'll send you, because 1. I cannot take my safety for granted, and 2. I cannot take the sanity of others for granted. So, there you have it, but SEND ME YOUR ADDRESS!

The end.

p.s. If you haven't read my poem from this morning, you should go back and do so, because it's really quite fantastic. I'm a super poetry writer! Just super! I should keep on doing it!