Why I want to quit school
Tuesday, November 27, 2001 - 18:45

I was a smart kid. I always did my homework. I've gotten straight As since seventh grade (with the exception of a couple Bs in high school and college). I kick ass on standardized tests.

What are smart kids supposed to do? They're supposed to go to college. So I went (although I did take a one-year sabbatical right after high school, mainly for financial reasons). I liked college for a while, but after a few semesters, I didn't. I felt like my life was on hold. I couldn't really do the things I wanted to do because I was busy and stressed out. But it was okay.

Then the end of college neared and I had no idea what I was going to do. The degrees I got (two BAs and one certificate of accomplishment) didn't necessarily lead to a career without more education, and I couldn't think of any job that I wanted to do. What was I going to do with my life? I decided to apply to graduate school so that I wouldn't have to make a decision. What else is someone who gets an 800 on the analytical section of the GRE supposed to do? (I also applied for a Fulbright, which I was working on the night I started this diary. I got the Fulbright, but had already decided on grad school, so I didn't do that.)

So I went to grad school. In graduate school you're supposed to want to be there. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be a professor, so I don't need a Ph.D. I still feel like my life is on hold, because I always have homework or reading or papers to do. And the stuff I do makes no difference. I get no sense of accomplishment. I procrastinate all the time, I get stressed out, and I don't even like freptology anymore. I'd probably be happier working at McDonald's.

So I'm going to write a thesis, take the last few classes I have to take, and then leave. I'm not going to stay six more years to get a Ph.D. I'm not going to be a freptologist. I'm just going to get some stupid job somewhere back where I used to live (where everyone says pop), and I'll garden in my spare time and restore old furniture and old cars and drink tea on the porch of the house that I'll buy.