Poo, everywhere
Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2023 - 20:57

I took my dog out for a walk this afternoon and got what felt like a big chunk of snow stuck to my boot. I wasn't really paying attention but I scuffed it off and walked on and it wasn't until half a block later that I looked down and saw that I was tracking poo everywhere. Obviously. Some feckless dog owner had neglected to pick up the absolute log of poo that their dog had deposited on the sidewalk and now, thanks to me, the neighborhood is covered in it. The poo was wedged up as high as possible into the tread of my boot and no matter how much I marched or stomped around it never seemed to go away. I found every puddle I could find to try to dissolve it but all that happened was that the puddles would turn brown. I desecrated pile after pile of snow by sticking my foot into it to try to scrape the poo off with the abrasiveness snow, but to no avail. Every footprint I left continued to be as poopy as the previous. I realized that if I went home in shame the trail of poo would lead into my driveway and everyone would know that I was the one who had ruined the neighborhood, so I continued to walk around up and down the alleys and sidewalks and roadsides leaving fecal traces everywhere.

To make matters worse, we're getting another cold snap this weekend so all this poop is going to be preserved, frozen in time, until whenever the goddamn spring thaw comes - and when that finally happens it will dissolve the poo and reawaken it and it will continue to be everywhere. Just absolutely everywhere.

What kind of dog poops so much that it ends up covering an entire neighborhood in carnage! My god.