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Thursday, Feb. 02, 2023 - 20:28

Did you guys know that Taylor Lautner's wife is named Taylor Lautner? I didn't, until I had the great misfortune to read this piece of shit story on CNN. I did not find out about Mrs. Taylor Lautner's name in that article but I became so enraged while reading it that I was forced to do additional internet research into Mr. Taylor Lautner and that's how I found out.

I'm sorry to be so judgemental but that article is the dumbest goddamn tripe I've read in ages. Mrs. Taylor Lautner was not "all of us" at any point in time ever because being "all of us" is not a thing. Fucking internet language! Fucking kids these days! They are ruining our sacred language! Also apparently "literally" is back to meaning "literally" - this fucking drivel says that Mrs. Taylor Lautner "literally" fell back in surprise. Which is what she did. The goddamn kids these days have bastardized the bastardization of "literally"! What further lows will these assholes bring us to? Also Mr. Taylor Lautner's comment wasn't "rare" - unless the idiot headline writer meant that his talking about Taylor Swift at all is rare - but the headline is poorly worded regardless. Etc.

I like Mr. Taylor Lautner and I don't care that his wife is also named Taylor Lautner. I do kind of care that Mrs. Taylor Lautner said she's "deceased" because Mr. Taylor Lautner thought maybe the Kanye West thing was a skit, but I will let that pass for the moment. What I care about most here is that awful writers are getting paid for their awful writing even though their awful writing is bringing about the ruination of absolutely everything, and then poor schmucks like us have to spend our days wading through this crap. All these wasted ones and zeros! It is a travesty.

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