|
|
|
Go away, you're not welcome anymore. I should have changed my fucking lock. I should have made you leave your key. Or: How I Found Diaryland by Kelsi One day many years ago for no particular reason I did a search on good old Infoseek for Mumia Abu Jamal. I found a story by this guy about how he'd been walking down the street and saw a protest and stopped to observe and write stuff down--but not to protest--when he and all the protesters were arrested and put in jail for the night. (This was the place where I first heard the expression "lift your sack" I think.) Then from that story I found another story about how he'd gone to Ireland and met a girl and set up a date with her, but she stood him up after he'd washed his shirt and underwear. Then from that story I found his main page and started reading that every day because he updated every day and wrote provocative stuff. A few years later he started bud.com, which was a place where people would send links to really weird or interesting stuff on the internet. One day there was a link to drunkgirl's diary. I read it, was impressed, and for some reason decided to get my own diary. At the time I was frantically working on a grant application. I ended up getting the grant, but decided not to use it. I considered killing this diary because it's so stupid, but I've always been too lazy to. Besides, this is a good way to waste time, and I love to waste time. I did abandon the diary for a while, during which time I moved and stuff. I also passworded the diary for a while, which was dumb, since I never wrote anything in here anyway, and I never told anyone I knew in real life that I had a diary here. But then I unpassworded it. Many moons after I started the diary I decided to get a guestbook. Then one day I decided to kill the guestbook because I didn't want to know if anyone was reading my diary, but then I saw that two people had actually signed it. Then I felt bad and tried to be cool and write cool stuff in my diary, but I ended up writing stupid stuff. Then one day I decided to introduce some characters from my real life into this diary. So far I have written about my main squeeze Mr. Pooh, the pompous ass who didn't break his foot but can't come to school but good riddance, the slurper, and Mr. Know-it-all. Here's a nother character: my cat Miss Kitty. (All names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.) My diary and I have also been leaders in spelling reform, revolutionizing the spelling of such words as Febuary, Wensday, and nother (introduced above). One day I decided to write an essay about how I found Diaryland. Many moons after deciding that, I finally did. But then I just kept writing, and it got dumber and dumber. I realized that I should have ended it, so then I went back and deleted the last half of the essay. Oh no, a paradox!
|