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2001: A Dork's Odyssey, or My resolutions for the new year
Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 20:39

Ever since seventh grade, my New Year's resolution has been to stop biting my fingernails. I never have. So this year, instead of having some unattainable resolution like that, I've decided on the following more realistic resolutions: I will have more sex. I will be more organized and on top of things. I will play the piano more. I will change my underwear every day. I will read more fiction. I will write in my Wonder Woman journal. I will be nicer to my cat and my man. I will stop teasing him about his burgeoning back hair. I will get my hair cut at least once by a professional. I will stop getting zits. I will run around more. I will shave my legs regularly. I will get up earlier. I will watch more sunsets. I will take more pictures. I will think more. I will write letters to my old friends. I will not feel guilty for liking computer games. I will go to church at least once. I will quit school if I don't start really liking it. I will stop biting my cheeks. I will be more mysterious. I will be friendlier. I will try to talk more. And, last but not least, I will bite my fingernails less often than I do now.

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